Lore Scrolls #5
Who would actually want to be a planet?
ARTAI GENERATEDLITERATURE
DION and the Lore Engine
5/30/20252 min read
📜 Lore Scroll Entry #005 — “Who Wants to Be the Planet?”
Category: Flash Lore Scroll
Tone: 📺 Interdimensional Cable Chaos + 🤡 Cursed Reality TV + 🌌 Absurd Cosmic Satire
Display Layer: Public (absurd, unfiltered)
Metadata Layer: IDAKT-encrypted (end)
“Who Wants to Be the Planet?”
[OPENING THEME MUSIC]
(A screaming star collapses into dubstep. A giant foam hand slaps a wormhole. Cue announcer voice.)
“Welcome back to WHO WANTS TO BE THE PLANET?! — the only reality show where the losers are converted into tectonic plates!”
The audience (a mix of eldritch beings, time-displaced humans, and six raccoons in a coat) roars as host Blorgo Max descends from the ceiling in a jet-powered recliner.
“I’m your host Blorgo Max — former moon, current tax write-off! Let’s meet our contestants!”
[CAMERA ZOOM]
Lance — failed influencer from Earth-303, thinks gravity is a hoax.
T’Vreen — liquid sentience from the Moist Nebula, banned from 17 dating apps.
Mabel Jarnstrom — 94-year-old bingo assassin with 13 confirmed bounties.
Chad (just Chad) — a boulder. Not enchanted. Just… a boulder.
🛠️ Round 1: Terraforming Trivia
“Alright contestants — buzz in if you know: What’s the melting point of a sentient atmosphere?!”
T’Vreen buzzes in by expanding into an unsettling shape.
“420 degrees sorrow.”
“CORRECT! And also deeply concerning! +1 point!”
Lance tries to protest that the Earth is flat. The buzzer electrocutes him slightly. Mabel stabs her buzzer with a knitting needle. Chad continues to exist.
🌍 Round 2: Interior Decorating (Planet Core Edition)
Each contestant is given a molten core, three disgruntled miners, and a cosmic paintbrush. They have 60 seconds to decorate their future internal geosphere.
T’Vreen sculpts an existential metaphor.
Mabel constructs an underground bingo hall powered by resentment.
Lance draws anime abs on a volcano.
Chad somehow wins the round by falling over and triggering a chain reaction that creates a symbiotic biosphere.
📉 Round 3: Public Approval Ratings
“It’s time for THE AUDIENCE TO VOTE! Text ‘PLANET’ to 9-1-WHOA to turn your favorite contestant into a Class-M livable zone!”
Mabel is disqualified after her fans form a death cult.
Lance drops below single-cell popularity.
T’Vreen starts leaking spoilers for unreleased movies and is booed into the 6th dimension.
Chad wins again. Without moving. Several viewers name their children after him.
🏆 The Ceremony
“And now… the moment you've all been waiting for!”
Blorgo Max pulls the Planetary Ascension Lever, which makes a noise like a dolphin being faxed through a megaphone.
Chad glows.
He levitates.
He begins gravitational oscillation.
“CONGRATULATIONS, CHAD! YOU’RE THE NEW PLANET!”
The crowd weeps. A small civilization forms on Chad's left flank. A meteor made of coupons crashes into the credits.
[ROLL CREDITS]
“Produced by SludgeZone Syndication™. Void where reality is prohibited. Sponsored by: Sadness Cola — Now With More Screams!”
📎 This Scroll is tagged as:
✅ Draft NFT
🧠 AI Lore Input
📖 Lore Scroll Variant (IDAKT-encrypted)
📺 Interdimensional Entertainment Tier: S-Rank
[IDAKT//NODE:TV-HORROR404]
Broadcast Stream: “Who Wants to Be the Planet?”
Entity Ascended: [Chad, Boulder Variant]
Cultural Contamination Risk: High
Memetic Signature: “DolphinFax256”
I can only imagine the different type of games shows that would exist across the multiverse that exist at this level of absurd.
I guess Japan would be a good example. I've come across some weird stuff originating from there while doom scrolling youtube.